SEX, ENGLISH AND MRS. L Dear Doris, Today is Women's Day and I couldn't let today pass without a letter!! I don't know what normally happens on this day, I am not sure if I am supposed to send a gift to you or to visit the pregnant women in maternity's nearby... Something tells me I can do both... Today is a day to appreciate the special women in our lives! I am feeling stupid... So to all my mothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, girlfriend and you Doris My love for you all is heavy!! Now that we are done with the cute bit, let me take you on a journey... To a land far far away... Kogelo and beyond!NARNIA kando! I want to take you to The Bard... I am going to tell you a story about how I almost slept with my high school English teacher.... I LOVE IT WHEN I GET YOUR FULL ATTENTION!!!! So I wrote letters to chics on my friends' behalf... haha!! For a 25 bob fee I wrote away! One of my clients though, thought it right to secretly address his letters to my English teacher, lets call the boy DOUCHE and the English teacher L. I was finally busted coz of my handwriting and the boy, my client denied all charges leaving me in total chaos!! All the evidence pointed straight to my ass... My Queen's English, my bullet proof vybe, oh and my handwriting!! In my school good English was a rumour, so finding me wasnt so hard plus no one believed that boy could write that well... I was summoned by L to the guidance and counselling office. With her was my Chemistry teacher see also 'total bitch'! Il_fullxfull.122185913 [p.s I COULDN'T STAND THEM BOTH] So I am here... Before two very annoying women being accused of writing love letters to one of them, explaining my fantasies in length!! ... Did I mention the principal was L's husband??!! and it was 10 days to KCSE!!!? The two women rant and rave... Then The Chemistry one had a class to go to... So I am here with this 40 year old one *AWKWARD MOMENTOS* "what were you thinking writing me those letters..." she asks.. in my head I was thinking "25 bob perhaps" Somewhere in the middle of all this I give up on trying to defend myself and bite the bullet... I was in trouble anyway... How bad could it get!! " I want you to walk to the principal's office and tell him you are competing with him!!" she says in utter arrogance!! Expecting me to weep by her feet... I am caught off guard!! Completely!! "GO!!" She reminds me!! I walk out of that tiny office with a bleak future... "there goes my life" I say to myself... I walk slowly to the man's office... L shouts out my name just before I walk in... "come back here!!" she says!! AT THAT SECOND I SAW JESUS!!! I walk back fast before she changes her mind!! I get into the office and she asks me to lock the door behind me... HAHAHAHAHA!!! I give Caesar what belongs to him... [I LOCK THE DOOR] "is this what you wanted?? She asks, unbuttoning her blouse! Her white bra evident!! In my head i am laughing my head off wishing my friends were peeping!! "huh?" she asks... shes down to the fourth button... OUT OF FIVE!! I am dead silent!! WOMAN, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR HUSBAND RUNS THIS FUCKINN SCHOOL!!!!? I almost said ' the nigga who wanted this strip show is in class probably thinking about you right now!!' "no madam..." I answer confidently. She looked like she had swallowed a lemon!!! " go to class and let this raise as little dust as possible!!" she spits, buttoning her blouse!! Walking back to class I met the principal... Talking on his phone... WHAT WOULD I HAVE TOLD THIS 7 foot MONSTER!!!! HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY MY WOMEN!!! p.s- I can get into so much trouble for this!! At least I didnt cuss... not once =)
RED ROBIN, IMBISS FISH AND CHIPS AND SONFORD Dear Doris, Forgive me for letting people come between us my darling. Forgive me for thinking its upon other people to keep us together. Men or no men, we will be togther. By men I mean men and women... Just making thinkgs clear. No one will ever come between us. Not even Poccahontas... Maybe Poccahontas!!! This letter is about good food and where to get it... B6f1f763-f9a0-9764-cd84-4e0b537b58c7-News_FB_BTWB_GaySuperhero In this busy town, everyone everywhere is selling food... By food I mean anything you put in your mouth, chew, and probably swallow... HAHAHAHAHA!!! Forgive my perversness. Moving on... Yeah, this list goes from PK chewing gum at some dingy street corner to a 5 course meal at The Tribe. But this post is not for the extremes... There is something not original about Pks that have been under the Nairobi heat all day or a well lit table with things you can pronounce their names... I want to take you through the cool spots... affordable and easy access... These places will not give two squirts of piss on how you are dressed... You will come in nude and you will still be served!! RED ROBIN This place has been around for the longest time. My friends dad worked here almost 30 years ago. This place is not the cleanest. There is so much smoke floating aroung you could get lung cancer if you stayed there long... Their Chicken is very good but will hurt your stomach like CRAZYYYYY!!! So dont eat their chicken!! I suggest this place because of their SPECIAL SAUCE... haha!! Yeah, they have this sauce thats from heaven!! I dont know how its made and i dont want to know... Put it on your fries and soak them in vinegar and chilli sauce and you will be going home a happy man!!DOnt eat their burgers, YOU WILL SURELY DIE! Red Robin is the place for THE SAUCE!! CAUTION: EXcessive consumption of this sauce WILL CAUSE DIARRHEA. So kidogo kidogo tu.. 2. SONFORD!! Its small. less smoke and cleaner than Red Robin. Their special sauce is shit... I am not hating. Its Kachumbari in dilute tomatoe sauce that you have to pay 5 bob for... But this is the spot for good chicken that will not hurt your tummy!! Their chicken go fast so be sure to get fresh chicken... Their fries are also out of this world... dry and crunchy!! Thats how I like it!! Soak these in vinegar and chilli (which is achari mixed with water) and a dash of salt and you are good to go!! Sonford is the place for THE CHICKEN AND FRIES CAUTION: "DO NOT SPIT IN THE SINK. IF FOUND YOU PAY A FINE OF 1000 bob" a sign above the sink. But after eating vinegar there is this strong urge to spit... Spitting in the sink is forbbiden in all these places i have mentioned. NOT THAT I HAVE SPUT BEFORE AND FINNED!!! 3. IMBISS FISH AND CHIPS HAHAHAHA!! This on is the dirtiest of them all and I promise you anything you get from here will fuck up your insides... even soda!!Its small and crowded and the floor is as slippery as a skating rink... heavy with cooking oil. The place is called Imbis Fish and Chips but they do not sell fish!! HAHAHA!! Apart from all the negative energy in this place, their fries is the best in town!! AGAIN, BE WARNED_ It will hurt your stomach so bad!! I try it out once every two months... I just pass by the chemist first to get myself Eno and a dose of Flagil... I will surely get sick... But i will have had the best fries in the world!! Imbis Fish and Chips is not the place for FISH I know those people who go like " i cant eat in those places... they are so dirty", Yeah its true... Extremely dirty.... But you have no idea what you are missing. HII NI SYSTEM YA MAJAMBAZI!!!

the sketch

i am 'THE SKETCH' read it and weep....

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